Realize
by Fearlessness Heart
Summary: Elliot and Olivia are in for the realization of a lifetime, at an extreme cost.   All characters belong to Dick Wolf / NBC. Story belongs to me.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**Squad Room – NYPD Special Victims Unit**

This case is really starting the wear him down. It is the worst case of his life but the drive to solve it is more than anyone can understand. It has been 4 days since she has gone missing. No leads, no tips, nothing that will help him find her. He hasn't slept, hasn't eaten, since she disappeared. He has only stopped searching for her long enough to shower and change. The entire precinct is on the case yet he feels lonelier than he ever has in his entire life. She is all he had. Kathy left him and moved back to New Jersey by her mother. She couldn't stand the fact that he would rather spend his time with _her_ than with his own wife. Elliot knew the marriage was over. It had been over for years. Neither one of them ever wanted to hurt the children, that is why no one ever took that step, that giant step, to leave. None of that matters to him now. Kathy came by yesterday to tell him she filed for divorce, he didn't care.

As Elliot sits at his desk, looking over at her empty chair, his mind starts to wander. _Where are you? Are you ok? Who has you?_ These are the questions that continue to go though his mind continuously. He can't stop thinking about her…for more reasons than one. He is brought back to reality as he hears someone call his name.

"Elliot. Elliot. Elliot! STABLER!"

It's Fin from across the squad room.

"Wha? What? " Elliot responds, still in his semi-daze.

"Get over here. You gotta see this."

As Elliot looks at the board where Fin has placed the pictures of recent parolees, he sees one that he is all too familiar with.

"There is no way in HELL he got out! How could this have happened?" Elliot exclaimed, more as a frustrated statement than an actual question.

"He got out for good behavior. Rikers is overcrowded. Had to make room for the "real" criminals." Fin states as he makes air quotes with his fingers.

"This is him! I know it. I feel it. We gotta find her Fin. We gotta get her from him…before it's too late."

"Stabler man, you can't think like that. She's a smart cookie. Smarter than he knows. We'll get her back, safe. Let's go man. We got work to do!"

Elliot and Fin started working on this incredible lead. They both knew in their hearts that he had her. Now all they had to do was find her and prove it.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**Abandoned Apartment Building – New York**

She struggled to open her eyes. Her head was pounding and she was unfamiliar with her surroundings. Olivia focused her eyes on the room around her, she started to remember where she was, and what was happening. She started to sit but the pain was too much. She tried to move her left arm when she realized it was handcuffed to the bed. This morning is a repeat of the last 3 mornings. Each morning, she woke after a night of terror, rape and abuse. When he was done with her, he would drug her so she could not escape and he could recuperate for the next day. This is his revenge, his revenge for humiliating him, for defying him, for destroying his life. She knew this; she has accepted it, because she knows she will never get away from him…alive.

She looks toward the door as she hears the knob turn. Her heart starts to beats faster and harder as he enters the room.

"Good morning sweet cheeks" he says as he sits on the bed next to her. "Did you sleep well? You should have." He releases a low, terrifying laugh.

She knows the routine and answers him in a cold, direct tone. "Good morning, Lowell."

Lowell Harris was dead set on repaying Olivia for all the things she did to him while undercover at Sealview. As he sat in prison for 3 years for raping a young girl, he planned; he plotted the things he would do not only to Olivia, but to her partner, Elliot, for putting him away. He knew he would never have to even touch Elliot as taking Olivia away from him would be more torture than any physical torture he could inflict. He is fulfilling his plan and everything has been going without a hitch. It has been perfect.

"You ready for your breakfast?" Lowell asked her as he unzipped his pants.

Olivia started to panic. He had never done this before. For the last 3 days, everything was the same. He would uncuff her and allow her to shower. He would cuff her back to the bed, bring her something simple to eat, and then leave her alone until nightfall. That is when the agony would begin.

Flashbacks to the basement of Sealview run through her mind. He seems to be moving in slow motion towards her. Her heart beats faster and faster. She feels as though it is going to pound right out of her chest.

She pleads with him to stop. "No! Please no. Please no. Please no!" Tears run down her cheeks as she knows no one is there to hear her screams; no one is there to help her.

"Bite me and I kill you" he states. It is a statement she hears all too often in her head.

Harris climbs on top of her, straddling her. He pins her free hand down with his leg. He thrusts hard as he holds her mouth open with one hand, the headboard with the other.

She gags as he slides down her throat. She panics as she struggles to breathe. He pumps himself in and out, in and out. Each thrust harder than the last. Along with each thrust was a prayer. She just wanted this to be over, for all of this to be over. Olivia was losing her will, her will to fight; her will to survive. She was wishing he would make that decision to rid the world of her and put her out of her misery.

She could feel him getting closer to his climax. The tears were streaming down her face, uncontrollably. She could see the pure pleasure in his face, not only because of what he is doing at this current moment, but because of the hell he is putting her through. He exploded into her as her stomach turned and she felt sick. Harris pulled away and she rolled to the side of the bed and threw up, not being able to take what just happened. He laughed as he zipped his pants. "Enjoyed it hey?"


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 **

**Squad Room**

It's just past 1 am. Elliot sits at his desk, the only one left at the office, looking over every piece of evidence and information they have. He reads through Harris' file again. He turns the page.

"DAMMIT!" he exclaims, loudly. "How could I have missed this?"

Elliot grabs his coat and heads out alone, knowing full well he doesn't have time to wait for Fin to meet him. He is too overwhelmed with thought to even think of calling Fin from the car while on his way. All Elliot knows right now is he has to get there and get there fast.

**Abandon Apartment Building **

Elliot pulls up in front of the building. He can feel his insides turn as he knows Olivia is in there. He gets out of the car, quietly running up the front steps and into the building, taking in everything around him. He quickly and silently searches each room. On the fifth floor, he sees an apartment door that is closed. "_This is the first closed door I've seen here"_ he thinks to himself as he creeps to the door. As Elliot reaches for the handle, he gets an overwhelming sensation that this is it.

He slowly turns the knob, it is not locked. He slinks in and sees clearly that someone is living here. Everything is silent except for his heart pounding violently inside his chest. He starts to walk towards the short hallway of the apartment when he hears something. He stops to listen closely.

"No, please don't. Not again."

"_OH MY GOD!" _his head screams as he hears her voice, hearing it for the first time in days, knowing now she is alive. The adrenaline is pushing through his body so hard, he is in a panic. Without thinking it completely through, he rushes in, trying to save her.

"Get off of her Harris! Hands in the air!" Elliot says pointing his gun at Harris, trying to stay calm. The drugs Harris just injected her with are already kicking in and Olivia is starting to drift off. She is fighting the sensation of the drugs, trying to comprehend what is going on around her but the drugs are too powerful and she gives in. Elliot can not concentrate on Harris completely as all he wants to do is get to Olivia. That is when Harris pulls a gun and puts it to Olivia's temple.

"Put your weapon down and you will do as I say. I have no issues killing both of you. Now put your gun on the floor and kick it over to me." Harris says very calmly, with a slight smile. He cocks the gun, trigger finger ready. Elliot knows he is not bluffing and is afraid to take the risk. He does as Harris says, knowing full well Harris will probably kill both of them now.

Harris picks up the gun and puts it in the belt of his pants. He instructs Elliot to sit in a chair, then he cuffs him and ties him to the chair. Harris leaves the room for a moment, then returned with a needle just like the one he had in his hand when Elliot entered the room.

"Here this will help you relax and get some rest. You will have a busy day tomorrow" Harris states as he pushes the needle into Elliot arm. Harris chuckles and exits the room. Elliot instantly feels a warm rush over his body. He tries to overpower it but there is no stopping it. Finally his eyes close.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Elliot slowly opens his eyes. The sun is shining brightly through the east window. Everything seems cloudy; his mind, his sight, his thoughts. As his vision clears, so does his memory. He looks over at the bed. "_Oh! There she is. What has he done to her?"_ She has blood on her face, hands, and thighs. She is starting to stir.

"Liv. Liv." He whispers, hoping this bring her out of the fog her mind is in. All of a sudden the door swings open and in walks Harris. He goes straight toward Olivia. He starts to cover her eyes with duct tape. Elliot watches, terrified of what he is going to do to her. Harris then walks to Elliot and covers his mouth with the tape.

"Oh we are going to have some fun today! You!" pointing his gun toward Elliot. "You will do what I tell you or she dies! Do you understand?" Harris then points his gun at Olivia and Elliot nods yes.

"Who else is here? Lowell what are you doing?" Olivia asks, terrified.

"Olivia, don't worry about it. It is going to be a great day for you. You are going to get everything you've always wanted. And everything I have always wanted for you.' Harris' words were cold. She knew she was in grave danger and could only prayer that Harris killed her sooner than later so she wouldn't have to endear anymore of his torture.

Since she couldn't see her mind started to wander. She wished she would be able to see Elliot one more time, to tell him how much she really loved him. Her thoughts were all about him, until she heard Harris' voice once more, talking to whomever else was now in the room with them.

Harris unbuckled his belt and unzipped his zipper. He pulled his pants down and got on top of Olivia. "Enjoy the show" Harris says, looking over at Elliot. Harris looks back at Olivia, cupping her breasts in his hands. He leans over and starts to suck them, first her right, then her left. He slides his hand between her legs, spreading them apart. He shoves his fingers in her, then his gun barrel, then himself. He is extremely rough and violent in every action, causing Olivia to cry out in pain. Harris erupts inside herand crashed to the bed next to her, exhausted.

Harris lays there for only a few moments. Her then gets up and walks over to Elliot. Harris untied one of Elliot's arms and undressed it, then the other. Same with Elliot's legs. He had big plans for these two that there was no wasting time. Elliot is now completely naked as he is tied to the chair.

"I am going to untie you. Any funny business and you both will die." Harris unties Elliot but cuffs his hands together before Elliot could even think of throwing a punch. He walks Elliot over to Olivia.

"Get on top of her!" Harris instructs. Elliot wants to protest but sees Harris's gun next to Olivia's head. Elliot got on top of her and Harris cuffs his right hand to the bed, just as Olivia's left is.

"Fuck her!" Elliot looked at Harris. "Fuck her I said! Do it like I wasn't here. Fulfill your fantasy with her. Do it! Make it good. I wanna enjoy the show!" Harris stepped back and watched. Elliot knew that this would at least buy some time with Harris. He had to do it or Olivia was dead. He justified it, thinking better him than Harris. He already hated himself for what he was about do to, about to do to his best friend, the one he loved more than anything. "NOW!" Harris screamed.

Elliot took his free hand and slowly caressed her, sliding his hand down the side of her face, onto her breast. Massaging gently, he hoped she knew that at this moment, she was safe from Harris. Elliot slid his hand over her tight stomach, then slowly between her legs. He could feel Harris' deposit on her and it made him sick. She was starting to cry. He so wanted to tell her it was him, she was breaking his heart, knowing he was the cause of her tears. He was hard. He was always hard around Olivia, no matter what situation they were in. He looked over at Harris. He was pleasuring himself as he watched. Elliot turned back to look at Olivia, the tears staining her beautiful face. He parted her legs with his, gently poking at her entrance, despising himself more and more with every movement. He entered her slowly. She whimpered in pain. A tear ran down Elliot's cheek as he looked up at the ceiling. His pumping started slow but increased with each thrust, each time going deeper and deeper inside her. And each time causing her to whimper in fear and pain.

"Alright! Enough!" Harris exclaimed. He had gotten his job done. "Olivia, I'm proud of you. No begging or crying. You stayed quiet like a good little girl!

Harris left them as they were and walked out of the room. Elliot licked his lips, trying to loosen the tape.

"Liv" he whispered into her ear as the tape loosened.

"EL?" she whispered back, starting to cry. She was so overwhelmed with emotion, knowing he was here.

"We are going to get out of this. Don't worry. Close your eyes, I'm going to peel the tape off." With his free hand, he slowly pulled the tape off. She looked into his eyes and the tears started flowing uncontrollably.

"It was you?" Elliot shook his head yes.

Harris walked back into the room. "So you got the tape off, huh? That's fine. Now you can look into each others eyes when I kill you." Harris walks over and cuffs Elliot to bring him back to his chair. He ties Elliot back up, then pistol whips him. Harris then goes to Olivia and does the same. As he is beating her, he sees something different about her, a look in her eyes. Harris knows this is because Elliot is there. He needs to take care of this problem.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

Harris walks out of the room and return almost instantly. He has a night stick in his hand. He is going to take care of his little problem, but he will do it slowly and painfully. He walks over to where Elliot is sitting looks him straight in the eyes and says " Are you ready for this?" He chuckles and walks over to where Olivia is laying. He raises the stick and swings down as hard as he can while she screams is fear and pain. He hits her over and over. He stops, deciding he wants her to watch. Elliot is struggling to break free from his restraints, yelling at him to stop.

Harris walks over to Elliot and strikes him in the legs. Elliot winces in extreme pain but tries to stay tough for Olivia. Harris strikes him again, this time cause Elliot to yelp. Harris then takes out his gun, raises it toward Elliot. Elliot looks him straight in the eye as Olivia cries, saying no softly, knowing there is nothing she can do.

Olivia shuts her eyes as the shot it fired. She opens her eyes, afraid to see what is in front of her. She looks over at Elliot, his head hung down. She starts to cry uncontrollably as she sees the blood running down his body. She looks over to Harris. He is in a pile on the floor, not moving, blood pooling around his body. She looks at the door and that's when she sees her. Olivia saw all of this in a split second. All of a sudden the commotion begins. Agent Lewis runs to Olivia, covering her with a blanket and uncuffing her arm. Olivia watches as Fin rushes to Elliot, uncuffing him and he reaches for his shoulder.

"Dana! What? How'd you? Is Elliot ok? Elliot!" Olivia didn't know what to say or ask first then she her him.

"Liv? You alright?" Fin, how'd you find us? Elliot was just as dazed and confused as Olivia but both were ecstatic to know their nightmare is over.

The medics arrived with 2 gurneys. They laid Elliot out, already knowing his legs were broken. Olivia watches them tend to Elliot as she holds Dana's hand, still trying to comprehend the events that just took place.

**Mercy General Hospital**

The room is quiet as Olivia lies on the examination table. Dana sits next to her, holding he hand. No one is speaking; they are just not sure what to say. Finally Olivia speaks, breaking the silence.

"How did the FBI get involved?

"They're not. Fin called and asked me for my help. You have always been there for me, so I wasn't about to let you down." Dana gave Olivia a reassuring grin.

"How'd you find us?"

"Oh that was the easy part, once we figured Elliot was missin. He left Harris' file open on his desk. Fin looked at it, we ran Elliot's Bluetooth on his cell. Found his car in front of the building. Easy as pie."

Olivia lay there, quietly, satisfied with Dana's answers. She could only take so much information at a time. She was thinking about Elliot; and he was thinking of her.

Elliot was laying on the exam table in his room as the doctors were setting his broken legs. Elliot had so many emotions, feelings running though him he did know how to act. He wanted to get out of there and go see Olivia; to make sure she was o.k. The doctor finished up, and gave him his thoughts.

"Well Mr. Stabler, we are going to admit you for the night. The gun shot wound is just superficial but both of your legs are broken. We are just going to keep you for observation."

"I'm fine. Just let me go home. Fin, tell him. I'll be fine." Elliot was becoming frustrated, knowing he was stuck in this hospital for the night. Elliot gets to his room and settles in bed. He will be in a wheel chair until his legs heal. Fin says good night and takes off. Elliot lays alone in his hospital room, tired, sore, and missing her.

Dana helps Olivia put on some scrubs while they wait for the nurse to return with her discharge papers. She can't wait to see Elliot. There is a knock on the exam room door. Then in opens and in walks Fin.

"Just wanted to check on you and let you know they are keeping Elliot for observation. He's in room 212. Glad to have you back baby." Fin said, then smiled and walked out the door.

As Dana and Olivia came into the room, Elliot's eyes lit up. He was so happy to see her, to know she was alright. Olivia felt the same way but it felt strange to be together. Elliot was feeling very remorseful for what he had done to her. Olivia is the last person he would ever hurt, but he has done the unthinkable to her, he was forced to rape her. Olivia was feeling ashamed, and that Elliot saw what he saw, and was forced to do what he did. She was in no way upset with him for what happened, that it wasn't his fault. In reality, she was grateful it was him instead of someone else. She knows he wouldn't intentionally hurt her. She blames herself for everything that happened, not Elliot.

"Hi" Elliot says, with an embarrassed tone, unsure of how she is feeling. Olivia could sense his uneasiness and wanted to reassure him everything between them will be o.k.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" Olivia said back to him with care and concern.

"I'm gonna go down and get something to drink. Want anything?' Dana asked, knowing she should give them a few minutes. They both shook their heads no and Dana nodded, walking out of the room.

"How'd she get involved?"

"Fin. He knew she would be able to help, to use some of her FBI pull if needed. I'm glad she's here. She's gonna stay with us and help us out until we get back on our feet."

"With us?" Elliot asked, not exactly sure what Olivia meant.

"With us. Your staying with me. There's no way you can manage on your own. Dana needs a place to stay while her apartment gets renovated. It's a win/win all the way around." Olivia was excited at the thought of them being together. Elliot was looking at her with those eyes, the ones that asked "_I love you. How did you know?"_ Anticipating his thoughts, Olivia responded "Dana told me about you and Kathy. I am so sorry El. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"Don't be sorry. It's something that should have been done a long time ago. And you're here now. That's all that matters to me." Elliot paused, trying to think of the words he wanted to say. "Liv? About…"

Olivia cut him off before he could say anything. "El, we survived. We're safe and physically o.k., with just minor cuts and breaks. For now, let's just be content with that. We will deal with everything in time."


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

**Olivia's Apartment – 4 weeks later**

Nothing has been said about what happened. Elliot and Olivia's conversations have consisted of "fluff," the weather, whaqt's on TV, what Dana did that day, things of that sort. It was uncomfortable for Elliot and Olivia to be together, uncomfortable with the "elephant in the room." No one knows what happened between them or what happened at the hands of Harris. Dana and Olivia are in the bedroom; Olivia is on the bed and Dana is packing.

"You guys gonna be alright?" Dana asked.

"Absolutely! Now that I am in the walking cast. I really loved having you here, helping out. It's gonna be kinda lonely when you're gone, like something's missing." Olivia, looking a little sad, said to her good friend.

"Liv. Me being here has done nothing but prevented you two from talking this out. What happened? What happened with Harris? What happened with you two while you were being held? Liv, you need to talk about it, if not to me or Elliot, then someone."

Olivia could hear the deep concern in Dana's voice. "I was raped. I was raped and beaten and raped and beaten over and over and when he was done, drugged. The next day it started all over again. Then, one morning, I awoke with tape over my eyes. I could hear Harris talking to someone but there were no other voices. Harris demanded this person to rape me. I could feel the gun to my temple. I started to cry, praying he would just pull the trigger. Though I didn't know who was raping me, the man was trying to be gentle, trying not to hurt me any further. After, Harris left the room, the man still on top of me. After what seemed like forever, I heard his voice say my name. I knew then it was El. Hearing him changed everything. Harris returned and took El to a chair and tied him up. That's when he started to beat us. Then you and Fin showed up. That's it, in a nutshell." This is the first time Olivia spoke of what happened. She was terrified of what she was hearing come out of her mouth. Speaking it was making it real. Something she didn't want to happen. It was just easier to ignore it and live in this little bubble.

"Liv, I'm so sorry."

"No! Don't be sorry. I survived. El survived and we are both stronger because of it. We will figure this out." Liv interrupted.

"Talk to him. Love ya!" Dana said as she kissed Olivia on the cheek and gathered her bags. "I'll call you tomorrow." And she walked out of the room, the apartment, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone together for the first time. They now have to face what they had been so successful at avoiding. Liv knew this and was afraid to leave the bedroom.

Elliot was in the living room on the couch when Dana left. He, too, knew this left him alone with Olivia. For the last four weeks, all he has thought about was being alone with Olivia. His feeling conflicted, wanting to be with her, and wanting to hide from her. He hated himself for what happened. He wanted to tell her but he knew nothing he said would take back what he did. In his mind, he is a vile criminal. He was no better than Harris. He was supposed to protect her, not violate her. Elliot could not shake these thoughts from his head, no matter how hard he tried. He knew he needed to talk to her and hope she understands how sorry he is, whatever that's worth.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 – Olivia's Apartment**

Olivia limps out of the bedroom, happy she has the walking cast, pissed she needs to use a cane, out to the living room where Elliot is on the couch, watching TV. She sits down next to him, uneasy being alone with him. He is reciprocating her feelings. He is just as uncomfortable. He decides that the time is now.

"Liv, we really need to talk. We can't keep avoiding this."

_Ding, Dong_

"_Saved by the doorbell. Thank you Lord!"_ Olivia thinks as she gets up to answer the door. She checks the peep hole then unlocks and opens the door.

"Cap, it's great to see you. What brings you here?"

"Olivia, Elliot. How are you two feeling?" Captain Cragen asked as he nods toward each of them and walks in. Olivia closes the door behind him and motions for him to join them in the living room.

"I've been better. Sick of this DAMN wheelchair. Should be out of it soon. The gun shot wound is slowing me down. PT is tough. What's up?" Elliot responds, partially because he just wanted someone to listen to him.

"IAB is looking into the case. They are accusing Fin and Lewis' shooting Harris as unjustified." Cragen painfully states, knowing full well how justified that shooting really was.

"You have got to be kidding me! You're not serious!" Olivia starts to panic, afraid of what else Cragen is going to tell them. Elliot sat there, stunned and without words, anger boiling up inside him as he tries to control his emotions. He knows what is coming next.

"That's not all. They're also investigating the circumstances in your disappearance, stating that you two set Harris up."

"CAP!" both Olivia and Elliot said at the same time, both upset beyond belief

"I know, I know. I need the both of you down at the house by 9 am tomorrow. Guys, I am going to do everything to help you out. We will try to take care of this as quickly and discreetly as possible." Cragen states, sympathetically, not wanting to cause more harm to his best detectives, and to his closest friends. Olivia starts to tear up a little, enough for Cragen to feel the need to leave. He gets up and says good night as he lets himself out.

"Good night, see you in the morning."

"Nite Cap." Elliot says, watching the door close. He scoots himself closer to Olivia, puts his arm around her shoulders, and says "Liv, its ok to cry. Let it out. I am here and it's all gonna be ok." Elliot was trying to comfort her but he knew that it wasn't helping, that he was the reason for her sadness, her pain, her suffering, and her loneliness. Even though he is right there, he feels as though she is distant from him. He wants that closeness and safety back. He wants his best friend back.

"I am just gonna go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow. Do you need anything before I turn in?"

"Liv?" Elliot starts to question but she cuts him off.

"El, I'm good. Need me to do anything for you? If not, I'm going to bed."

"I'm fine Liv." Elliot says to her, sad that he can't be there for her.

"Night." Olivia turns and goes into the bedroom. She gets into bed and bursts into tears, crying uncontrollably. Her emotions are flooding her head and she can't stop it. She is scared to death for the morning. She doesn't want to discuss what happened with Elliot much less talk about it with IAB. She is crying so hard, she doesn't hear Elliot wheel himself into the room. He positions himself parallel to the bed and scoots himself onto the bed next to her. He holds her and for the first time in over a month, she melts in his arms. After Olivia starts to calm down, Elliot decides he should talk. He doesn't want to push but he wants her to know he is truly there for her.

"Hey, Liv?" Once again, Olivia stops him.

"El? I don't want to deal with this right now. What I really need is you. I need you to be here, with me. I need my best friend right now. I need you."

Olivia turns over and straddles Elliot, cupping his face in her hands. She kisses him gently on the lips. Elliot is taken aback and is not sure how to respond to that first instant. He gives in quickly, and kisses her back. She pulls away and looks into his eyes, he nods to her, seeing a beautiful disaster in her eyes, love, lust, pain, and fear. Olivia leans in and kisses him again. Then she backs up and takes off his shirt. She kisses his neck and chest. She continues to kiss down his chest until she reaches the waistband on his sweatpants. She slides them off, slowly, kissing every inch of him as she does. Olivia stands up and takes her shirt off, slowly raising it above her head, pausing for a second, exposing her breasts to him. She then slides her hands down her sides, taking her pants with them. He looks at her and can't believe how incredibly beautiful she is.

He is harder than he has ever been. She crawls back up him, licking his tip as she cups his sack in her hand, rolling his balls in her palm. He moans and grunts, though unaware of these sounds. He is drowning in her beauty. She crawls up to him, again straddling him. She leans in to kiss him and the kiss deepens with each second until she feels like she could swallow him. He massages her breast with one hand, his other deep in her folds. He feels her wetness and it makes her want her more. He flicks his finger back and forth, causing her to moan, deep and low. His fingers enter her, twisting and turning, while his thumb continues to massage her tender, swollen skin. Their tongues fight each other. Olivia rises up on her knees, positioning herself over Elliot's hard erection. She slowly lowers herself, her hands on his chest, his on her hips. She surrounds him, holding him tight. She rises back up, just as slowly. Elliot takes one hand and again, rubs and massages Olivia's folds. He is ready to go but tries to hold on for her. He can feel her body shaking, rigid, her breathing heavy. She is riding him faster and faster as he guides her body, him going deeper and deeper into her with every pump. She throws her head back and screams his name. He grunts loudly. Her pumping slows. She leans into him again and kisses him. He kisses back, deeper and deeper, not wanting to let her go.

Olivia pulls the blanket up, covering them both, and lays her head on his chest.

"I love you, El."

" Oh Liv, I love you too. I am so sorry for what I have done."

"Shhhhh. There is nothing to apologize for. I don't blame you for anything. The one thing I really want right now is for you to not blame yourself. WE will get through this, as long as we have each other."

Olivia nestled into Elliot, his arms around her. They breathed each other in as they fell asleep in each others arms. Both knowing that this is where they want to be.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 – Olivia's Apartment**

As the morning breaks, the sun glimmers through the window. Elliot opens his eyes slowly, not wanting his night to end. He looks down at her, still snuggled up to him as she was when they fell asleep. As he gently strokes her beautiful dark hair he wonders _"was this a mistake? Will she regret it? What do we do from here?" _He starts to feel a little nervous as she stirs. He doesn't want to be the cause of anymore of her pain.

"Good morning" Olivia says to him with a smile.

"Good morning beautiful" he returns as he kisses her forehead, hoping his affections are returned. She turns to him and kisses him softly on the lips, then deepens the kiss.

"I'll go shower quick and get the tub ready for you. We have to be at the house in an hour." She gives him a quick kiss, sits up and grabs her cane, and limps to the bathroom. Elliot lays there watching her, amazed by her remarkable beauty and strength. He hears the shower running and he starts to build castles in the air, replaying the night before. He remembers the way she feels, her soft skin under his fingers, the way she tastes with her lips on his, the way it feels to be with her, really with her, the way he had imagined for so long. He loved every piece of her, every ounce of her, mind, body, and soul. He was brought back to reality with her kiss.

"Let's get you in the tub." She helps him into his chair, then in the bathroom, from his chair to the tub. She puts on her makeup as he bathes. He can't keep his eyes off her, wanting her to join him, wanting to touch her, feel her. As he finishes, she helps him get out and get dressed. He hates feeling so helpless, especially around her.

Olivia loves having Elliot need her. She loves him and would do anything for him. She gives him a deep, loving kiss and says "we really need to get going. I just want this day done and over with."

"Liv? You gonna be ok?" He knew she was scared and that he couldn't save her.

"El. It's all gonna be ok. I am gonna be ok, you're gonna be ok, and WE are gonna be ok. Let's just be honest, answer their questions, and tell them what happened."

"About last night…" As always, Olivia cut him off before he could finish, which is one of her annoying traits that he absolutely loves about her.

"Last night was meant to be. I needed you and you needed me. I know we have to keep it quiet but for now that's ok with me. It is ours. I love you El and I don't want it to end, but I am not ready to lose my job either. As long as this stays between us, we will be just fine." She smiled at him.

Elliot smiled back "I love you too. I don't want this to end either. I want you more than anything."

**Station House – Manhatten**

As Olivia limps and Elliot wheels into the office, they both feel a sense of calm wash over them. This is going to be a grueling day but they both realize that at the end of the day, they will still have each other. It is because of this, they know that they need each other and now they have each other.

Everyone was happy to see them. Munch and Fin gave them both hugs as they came into the room. Munch moved Elliot's desk chair so he could wheel right up to his desk. Fin assisted Olivia to her desk, pulling her chair out like a real gentleman.

"Man I am so sorry I got you into all this" Fin states, clearly blaming himself for the IAB investigation.

"Fin, there is nothing to be sorry for. IAB is at fault. If they weren't so busy trying to blame things on all of us, they wouldn't have jobs." Olivia said with a smirk on her face. Olivia was happy to be back at the precinct. It felt good at her desk, like it is where she should be. "Where's Dana?"

"She'll be here. She's not NYPD so she is technically not under investigation. If they think the evidence points to her though, then she will be in a heap of trouble."

Cragen walks out of his office. Looking at his wonderful "family" all together for the first time in 5 weeks, he is pleased to see them. "Elliot you are set up in room 1. Fin, room 2. They're ready for you guys."

"What about me Cap?" Olivia questions, just wanting this day to be over with. More than anything, she does not want to wait any longer.

"You and Dana will be interviewed later. You are the victim and I am going to make damn sure you are treated with the utmost respect. I will NOT have you treated like a suspect. Don't worry Olivia, Dana and I will take care of this." He smiled at her as he went back into his office. She returned his smile. He has always been like a father to her and she knows that he is doing everything he can to make this as easy as possible on her. She is trying to be strong as she thinks of what she will have to talk about today. Knowing Elliot will go home with her tonight makes it a little less frightening.

She sits alone at her desk, Elliot in room one, Fin in room 2, and Cragen and Munch in Cragen's office, watching both interviews through the glass. Though she knows that it is in everyone's best interest to have her captain and sergeant oversee the questioning, she is feeling a little embarrassed and ashamed at what they are going to hear.

Dana enters, walking up to Olivia and bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Morning Peaches." Dana greets as she leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek. Dana is in an especially peppy mood, which is helping Olivia feel a little better. Dana sits in Elliot's chair which is next to their desks. "Don't worry honey, your Captain and I got this all figured out. This will all be just a formality. If all goes well, all of us will be cleared before they even get to you." She smiles her reassuring smile and Olivia feels herself lighten. She just realized how much she is really loved by these people, her family.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 – Station House – Manhattan**

**ROOM 1**

Elliot is very flustered, not wanting this to begin but wanting it to be over. He is sitting across the table from Johnson, an IAB officer that Elliot had never met. That is the only plus about this entire situation.

"Tell me exactly how you found Detective Benson. Make this easier and don't leave anything out." Johnson stated flatly. There was a cold tone in his voice.

Elliot was worried about what was happening with Olivia. He felt horrible for her, in fear she got the same type of prick officer he got.

"Want me to start from the beginning?" Elliot asked sarcastically. Johnson nodded for him to continue.

"Benson never arrived at work that morning. We all knew something was up because that was so unlike her. I called her cell, no answer. Fin and I took a ride to her place. That's when we could see that the door was kicked in and there had been a struggle. Things were thrown all over and the place was a mess. We high tailed it back to the house. The entire place was on this case. We started going through all Benson's files, trying to find anyone who she might have pissed off. It took us four days before we found our lead. Fin was going through files of recent parolees. When he came across Harris, we both had that feeling in our gut that it was him. I pulled his file and started reviewing it. I had gone over and over it and nothing. It was after midnight when I noticed that his Grandfather owned a run down apartment building on the east side. Adrenaline took over. I jumped in my car and took off, never thinking to call for back up. I got to the building and started searching the empty apartments. On the fifth floor I noticed a closed door and that gut feeling kicked in again. When I entered I heard Benson's voice, pleading with Harris and I rushed in."

"How did you become a hostage?" Johnson interrupted, a little perturbed that Elliot was so willing to offer up the information.

"He had a gun to Benson's temple. He cocked it and told me he would kill her unless I did what he said. I knew he was serious and I didn't want to take the risk with Benson's life."

"Where was Detective Benson at this time?"

"Benson was tied to the bed. I could tell she had been badly beaten and abused." Elliot did not want to go into anymore detail than requested. He had been through enough IAB investigations to know how much information to give these guys without giving it all. He was going to protect Liv as much as he could.

"Was she dressed?" Johnson asked with a smirk.

"No she wasn't though I don't know why that is relevant." Elliot responded.

"I gives me a clearer picture of what was happening in that room."

"Why don't you concentrate on why you're here and not picture her at all?" Elliot said more as an order than a question. 'May I continue?" Johnson nodded, still smiling. "Harris tied me to a chair and drugged me just as he had Benson. When I woke, it was morning. He had tape over my mouth, and over her eyes. He raped and tortured her then began to beat us. He raised his gun and was about to shoot me when Fin and Lewis came in and shot him, just as he shot me."

"What are your injuries?"

"He broke both on my legs, shot me in the shoulder. Other than just some bumps and good bruises that's it. End of story."

"Well, I really have no more questions for you. As long as all the stories match you should be cleared." Johnson stood up to shake his hand and all Elliot could think was "_is it really gonna be that easy? What the hell's really going on?"_

**ROOM **

"Tell me how you found Detectives Benson and Stabler." Fin had never met this officer before and was glad for that. He hated these bastards and now at least, he could give this guy a chance.

"When we noticed Stabler wasn't at the house, we knew something was up. He had been staying there, just takin cat naps while trying to find Benson. I called Agent Lewis to help out. She had worked with both Benson and Stabler multiple times and I knew she would be more than willing to help out. She got to the house and started going through Stabler's desk. He had left Harris' file open and Lewis started reading through it. That's when she noticed the apartment building. At the same time, I was running the Bluetooth on Stabler's phone. His location popped at the apartment building. We hauled over there, calling for back up and a bus while on our way. We searched until we found the apartment. Lewis entered the room first, saw the gun on Stabler and pulled the trigger. She's FBI, shoot to kill."

"What were Stabler's and Benson's postions when you entered the room?"

"Stabler was tied to a chair and Benson to the bed. After Harris went down, Lewis rushed to Benson, I went to Stabler. By then back up was in the room and the paramedics were on their way up. We cleared the room and get them outta there."

"Was Detective Benson dressed when you found her? What was her visual condition?"

"She was not dressed, and her condition was poor. She looked like she had been badly beaten, black, blue, and bloody from head to toe."

"And Detective Stabler?"

"He was beat up pretty bad too. Harris shot him just as Lewis shot Harris. Bullet got 'em in the shoulder. Could tell his legs were broken and his face was pretty smashed up."

The IAB officer wrote a few things down on his note pad, stood, and motioned to shake Fin's hand.

"Thank you. That should be all for now."

"You kiddin me? That's it? Usually you guys are monsters. What gives?"

"This is a simple investigation to make sure all involved did things appropriately. We are not looking to condemn any of you. We want to make sure this investigation was run as any other one would have been. Not a bunch of detectives going off half cocked in a frenzy trying to find one of their own. Once we get Detective Benson's and Agent Lewis' statements we should be able to make a judgment. We will either clear you or take your shield and send you to mandatory therapy. We just wanna make sure all involved are mentally stable and know what they are doing."

Fin knew better but he couldn't help but feel as though something was seriously wrong with this whole thing. He can't quite put his finger on it but there is something so not right. Fin decides to wait for the outcome and see where everyone stands before he brings his gut feeling up.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 – Station House**

Elliot wheels out of Room 1 and looks around. "Where's Liv?" He asks, wondering why she is not waiting for him.

"She just went back into Room 2. I got done before you so they took that room. How was it?" Fin answered him, feeling the same concern as Elliot. They both looked towards Cragens office, knowing he was watching.

Olivia and Dana were sitting together in Room 2, both wondering why they were being interviewed together. Olivia was ok with it as she knew she would be able to answer any question they threw at her in front of Dana. She did, however think it was very strange since it is against policy for IAB to interview together. They were staring at each other when the door opened, and both their jaws dropped.

"What are you doing here? This is an IAB investigation." Dana questioned as Olivia sat there, stunned.

"I am here to do the interview. Let's just get started. Olivia, please explain to me what happened. How did Harris get you in the first place?"

Olivia swallowed hard, not wanting to say a word to Porter. He was her case agent when she was undercover for the FBI. He had hurt and betrayed her and she didn't trust him. "He knocked on the door of my apartment. I went to the door and checked the peep hole. I saw him and turned back into my apartment to get my cell and gun. Before I could, he kicked in the door and came after me. We struggled, then he pulled a gun and told me I had to go with him."

"So you just gave up and went with him?"

"I was unarmed. My choices consisted of go with him or get shot. Sorry, my decision wasn't the one you would have chosen." Olivia responded with extreme sarcasm.

"Olivia, I'm not trying to judge you. I am just trying to get the story. Where did he take you? What happened next?" Porter had a sound of concern in his voice now, knowing he upset her.

"He drove me around for awhile. I was a little worked up and got confused, I lost track of where I was. He finally stopped in front of this old apartment building and took me inside." She paused not wanting to go on.

"Olivia, please tell me what he did to you."

"He took me to an apartment on the fifth floor. Pushed me straight into a bedroom. He started hitting me. I fought him at first but soon he overpowered me. He threw me onto the bed and cuffed my arm to the bed. He took off my clothes and he raped me. Then he beat me. This continued for a while, a few hours maybe, I am not sure how long. Then he pulled out a needle and shoved it into my arm and said 'sleep tight sweet cheeks' as a warm feeling came over me. I couldn't fight it, I fell asleep. This was a pattern that continued for the next 3 days."

"What happened when Detective Stabler showed up?"

"Porter, I can't do this. Please, let's just do this another day. Get someone else to do the interview."

"Please just finish. You're almost done."

She sighs a heavy sigh and continues "I woke up but couldn't open my eyes. There was tape over them. I could hear Harris speaking to someone else. I couldn't hear the other person talk back so I didn't know how it was. Then Harris raped me again. After he left the room, I heard my name and knew it was Detective Stabler's voice. I got the tape off my eyes and looked over at him just a Harris walked back in. That is when he began beating us. The he pulled his gun on Elliot and was about to pull the trigger when I closed my eyes. I heard the shot and when I opened them, I saw Stabler slumped in the chair, then Harris in a mound on the floor. Then Dana came in and rushed over to me. That's it. I'm done. Can I go now?"

"Thank you Olivia. You are free to go. I just need to speak with Agent Lewis briefly." Porter leaned in to hug her but she backed away and held out her hand to him. He took it reluctantly, giving it a gentle shake. She picked up her cane and limped out, wishing she was able to run because she would have.

Dana had sat quietly throughout Olivia's interview. Olivia had told her other details that she didn't bring up today. Dana wasn't about to bring them up to Porter on her own, and hoped the others didn't either. She was mentally preparing herself for this when Porter opened his mouth.

"Agent Lewis. You are not really needed here. We just had to make it look good. It actually worked out pretty nice, you showing up to help out. Just made this even better."

"What the HELL are you talking about? Was this a set up? How could you do this and what the hell for? Are you really that much of a sleazy asshole that you would put these people in that much danger? DO you have any idea what these 2 people went through?" Dana was so upset that she forgot to realize that Captain Cragen and Munch, and who knows if any others, were watching. "Shoot…bastard." She said, almost under her breath as she looked at him. She turned to walk out the door when Porter grabbed her arm and stopped her. She shook him off and looked him straight in the eyes "What?" she demanded.

"Keep your mouth shut about this. They will know in time. But thanks for doing the dirty work. You just took the fire off of those saps."


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

The ride back to Olivia's apartment was a long, silent one. She didn't want to speak to Elliot until they were safely at home. As she pulls into the parking garage, Elliot puts his hand on her knee and gives it a gentle squeeze. She looks at him, reassuringly. She parks and gets out. She maneuvers Elliot's chair, which is difficult to do on her own, out of the car and to the passenger door. He gets into his chair and they go to the elevator. Still not speaking, they ride the elevator to the fourth floor. She puts her hand on his shoulder. He knows this is her way of telling him she is still there, for him, with him. They enter her apartment and Elliot wheels himself to the couch and slides himself onto it. He hates sitting in that chair and he wants to be able to be closer to her. She locks the apartment door, takes off her coat and shoe. He breaks the silence.

"Liv. Honey." As always, she interrupts him. She is limping towards him. He wants to talk to her, to help her, but he knows that she will come to him in her own time, when she is ready.

"El, PLEASE let's not talk right now." Olivia pleads as she straddles him on the couch. She cups his face in her hands and begins to kiss him, gently at first but becoming more passionate with each passing second. His hands are at her waist. They slowly move upward, taking her shirt with them. He takes her shirt off, slides his hands under her ass, lifting her up wards and towards him. He kisses her stomach as he unsnaps her bra. He pulls her bra off, revealing her soft, supple breasts. Her nipples were hard as he sucks deeply on them. She moaned as she threw her head back. She pulled his face to hers, kissing him, then stood up. As she started to work her belt, he put his hand on hers to stop her. He scooted to the edge of the couch as he said "Please, let me."

He unbuckled her belt, kissing her lower abdomen. He slowly slid her pants down, lets his finger tips tenderly brush her legs along the way, sending chills through her body. He carefully maneuvers them over her boot. He slipped his fingers into her panties, caressing the tender skin. He pulled her panties off and slid his hands back up her inner thighs. In one strong, solid motion, he lifted her broken leg and put it on his shoulder, took her ass into his strong hands and pulled her into him. He flicked his tongue over her swollen, hypersensitive clit. She was digging her nails into the back of his head, yelping and moaning, losing herself to him. His tongue entered her and her knees went weak. She pulled away from him, trying to keep her balance. She bent over, kissing him as she unzipped his pants, pulling them down to his knees. He was rock hard. She kissed her way back up she legs until she reached his throbbing shaft. She licked him, teasing him with her tongue. He moaned, his sounds driving her mad. He couldn't take anymore and he pulled her on top of him, entering her hard as he slammed her down him. She cried out in ecstasy and pain. He had his hands on her, controlling her every move. As he brought her down on him, thrust upward, each time with more force than the last. She started to shake, her muscles becoming rigid. She cried out his name repeatedly, until it was just a scream. A tidal wave of pleasure swept over her as she felt him gush inside her. Their thrusting slowed. She collapsed on top of him, with him still inside her. She didn't want to move, didn't want to risk releasing him. She wants to keep him as close as possible and she can't think of being any closer than they are right now. As her head lay on his shoulder, he strokes her hair. He hadn't realized how long it had gotten. She lifted her head and kissed him soothingly.

She looked into his eyes and quietly whispered "I love you" into his ear.

He put his arms around her and held her tight. She nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck. He whispers back "I love you Olivia. I promise I will make this up to you. Everything up to you."

Without lifting her head, she shakes it as he speaks, letting him know he owes her nothing. His words are calming to her, she feels safe, really safe. He pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and covers them both as they drift into a peaceful rest, together.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

They awoke to a banging on the door. Elliot woke first and nudged Olivia to wake up. The pounding got louder as she came to.

" Ugh, who could this be, and at this time of night." Olivia stated, not wanting to break their position. She got up, took the blanket that was covering both of them and wrapped herself in it, leaving him exposed. She grabbed her cane and started to limp toward the door. "Hold on a sec!' She shouted in the direction of the door.

"Olivia, open the door." It was Dana. Olivia could hear the urgency in her voice.

"I'm coming, it just takes a little longer." Olivia reaches the door and looks back at Elliot. He has covered himself with her shirt, the closest thing to him, and the only thing he could reach. She opens the door. "Dana, I, uh, we."

Dana looks at Olivia, wrapped in a blanket, then over at Elliot, who's is slightly red with embarrassment. "Oh knock it off you two. It's about time. I'm happy for you guys but I do really need to talk to you both. Sorry it's so late. I really shouldn't even be here." Dana says this as she walks in, straight into Olivia's bedroom and back out with her robe. Dana helps Olivia get it on, then takes the blanket and throws it at Elliot so he could cover himself. "Sit down Liv." Olivia sits next to Elliot, Dana sits on the coffee table, facing them.

"What's going on Dana?" Olivia asks, very concerned; knowing that if Dana was here, it was big. Elliot, still a little flushed, leans forward, putting his hand on Olivia's knee, bracing himself for whatever was about to come out of Dana's mouth.

"You both left before I finished with Porter. I don't know all the details yet but it was a set up. The entire thing. Harris getting out of jail, your kidnapping, and Harris getting shot."

"Wait a minute. You mean all these events were planned? How? How could it have been planned for you to shot him, to find us, me to find her? I don't understand. Was Fin in on the plan?" Elliot's blood was starting to boil. He wanted to know who was behind this and why. Then he was going to kill them.

"Elliot just let me speak. Fin was not in on it. He played right into it though. I know that you were supposed to shoot Harris. But I played right into the plan perfectly also. Everything went according to plan in the beginning. Then he took you instead of you killing him. Harris wasn't in on it either. An informant in prison planted the entire idea in his head that he should kidnap you. Elliot, you were supposed to find them and shoot him. It took you longer to find them than they had planned. Olivia, you weren't supposed to get hurt like this." Dana paused, despising herself for what she had to tell them, knowing she had no choice and was risking everything to do it.

"This can't be happening…" Olivia trailed off, wanting to know every detail but not wanting to hear another word.

"Liv, they planned the whole thing, the apartment building, putting it in Harris' file, knowing Elliot would find it and find you. They didn't plan on Elliot being so distraught over your disappearance that he would over look this detail. They also didn't count on it taking 3 days to get Harris's parole posted. They thought it would be posted and you would be found within a few hours. They didn't think Harris would have time to do anything more than smack you around a bit."

"Who is 'they' dammit! I want to know who the hell did this. Because of 'them' we could have lost her! Who would be so stupid to risk her life like that? Who else knows about this? The team? Anyone? Right now, who knows?" Elliot was beyond the point of calming down, passed the ability to control himself. He was angry. He was starting to blame himself for not finding her sooner.

"Elliot" Dana says slowly as she places her hand on his knee, trying to comfort him, to calm him. "I don't know who 'they' are. Munch and Cragen were listening in on Porter and me. I talked with them before I came here. They are outraged as well. I want you to know, you have a detail outside. They will be on you until we can figure this out. I will stay the rest of the night tonight and you will be moved in the morning. I talked to my boss at the bureau. He is also looking into it. He's not happy that one of his agents was put in danger by a division of his own. We are meeting in Cragen's office tomorrow. You need to be there." Dana was so sad that, instead of this fiasco ending, it is only beginning.

"I have PT in the morning. I gotta get out of this chair" Elliot states, pissed.

"Come in after that. I will stay with you two. I will take you there, then to the house. Don't fight me on staying with you and the detail. Neither of you are in any position to protect yourselves. How's your PT going?" Dana truly wanted both Elliot and Olivia back to their old, healthy selves.

"It is actually going well. I can walk and I feel strong but the therapists don't want me walking on my own yet. I have been religiously doing the exercises they gave me. I am hoping tomorrow they will rid me of this damn chair."

"Can we just go to bed and try to get some sleep. I just can't take anymore right now." Olivia interjected.

"Sure darling. Here I'll help you while Elliot gets some pants on." Dana follows Olivia into the bedroom. Dana sits down on the edge of the bed as Olivia takes her robe off, pulls a large t-shirt over her head, and walks into the bathroom. She starts to wash her face.

"Have you talked things though with him yet?" Dana asked Olivia, already knowing the answer but wanting to bring up the conversation lightly.

"No, we haven't. We started to last night after you left. I couldn't handle it. I walked out and went to bed, where I lost it. He followed and we lost ourselves in each other. Right now the most important thing to me is him. I want him to know that I love him. He blames himself, for everything. He feels it is his fault that all of this happened. I want him to know that I don't blame him, not for anything, that I am grateful to him, for everything he risked to find me. Cragen wants us both to go to therapy, together and separately. I was honest with Cragen and told him that it is probably a good idea, but I don't want some department appointed shrink. I don't want the details of these events in our jackets. Cragen is looking into finding one that won't report our sessions but will be able to clear us for duty when we are ready." Olivia finds it easy to talk to Dana, she the first woman in Olivia's life that she feels close to. Olivia was close to Alex but was never able to completely open up to her. Dana is in the same position as herself, a woman surrounded by men, doing a so-called 'man's job,' all the while, having to prove herself to everyone.

Dana watched Olivia as she spoke. She feels horrible for her friend. She will do anything to help her right now. "Olivia, all I really want to say is you really need to talk to him. I am glad you are willing to go to therapy. It will really help you guys out, and bring you closer together. I'm gonna have Elliot sleep in here with you. I'll take the couch. 'Nite darlin', sleep well." Dana leaned in and gave Olivia a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. She turned to leave the room.

"Dana," Olivia spoke, stopping her. She turned and looked at Olivia, "thank you."

Dana smiled and walked out. Elliot was wheeling himself toward the bedroom. "Why don't you go in and sleep with her. I'll take watch on the couch. You need anything?"

Elliot stopped when he met Dana, took her hand, and said "thanks." They smiled at each other and then he wheeled himself into the room. Dana made a bed on the couch for herself. Elliot scooted onto the bed. Olivia and Elliot nestled into each other, and without saying a word, drifted to sleep, both wondering when they would be able to sleep without this dreadful feeling of the morning to come.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

Olivia and Dana sit in the waiting room, while Elliot is in physical therapy. Olivia plays with her fingers, somewhat nervous of the awkward silence between herself and Dana. Dana also feels this silence but doesn't want to push Olivia, knowing she is fragile right now.

"Dana? How did you stay so strong after you were raped? You never faltered, never broke. I don't think I can do this, I don't think I can go on anymore. He haunts me. I know he's dead, I know this was a set up but I just can't shake the memories." Olivia was scared, of herself, her own mind.

"Oh sweetheart. I wasn't strong. I was scared out of my mind. I check the parole sheet everyday, scared to death that Coleman's name will be on it. I have nightmares about him. I feel his touch, I feel him inside me. I have my good days and my bad. Sometimes I can get through a whole day and not think about him. Other days I can't make it fifteen minutes. Sweetie, it never goes away but it does get easier. You need to talk to someone first of all. Secondly, you need to let Elliot in. Let him support you. I would have never survived without Alec." Dana was sympathic, understanding. She wanted to be honest with Olivia.

"How did you get past the sudden, overwhelming images that flood your mind at the most inopportune times? Sometimes I'll be in the shower, or talking with Cap and he just overtakes my mind. I can't stop it." Olivia is tearing up a little. She is trying hard not to cry, not to make a fool of herself in the waiting room. She feels she has made a fool of herself in from of enough people.

"Liv, your best hope is to let Elliot in. When you have these episodes of memories, talk to him. Tell him what's going through your mind. Let him know how the memories are making you feel. Don't own the memories; let them come, then let them out, to someone safe. There have been many times, still to this day, when Alec and I have been together, making love, and he will touch me in a way that catapults me back to that night. He loves me. He understands. We will talk about it. Just talking to him makes me feel better. He's gentle with me. Let's me take my time and he never judges me or gets frustrated with me. He loves me, Olivia, and Elliot loves you. Trust him, believe in him. Liv, it's ok." Olivia is silently crying. She knows Dana is right, as right as anyone could ever be. Just as she looks to at Dana, Elliot comes through the door.

"El! Wha? Really? This is wonderful! You feel ok?" Olivia is thrilled at the sight of Elliot actually walking out of the therapy room. He is using a walker, but this is one of the most beautiful sights she has ever seen. She limps up to him, throws her arms around him and kisses him. The kiss lasts a little longer than a kiss in a doctor's office should but neither of them cared. They were both so happy.

"Congrats Elliot. This is wonderful." Dana gave him a hug, happy for him, happy for them both.

**Squad Room**

Dana, Elliot, and Olivia enter the squad room, still reeling over Elliot's wonderful progress.

"Hey man, nice to see you on you're feet. How's it feel?" Fin was happy to see Elliot up.

"Feel's great! I am so happy. They told me not to over do it but I don't know if I can stop!" Olivia could see the spark in Elliot's eyes. His excitement was overwhelming, spilling onto her. She loved seeing him so happy.

"Benson! Stabler! Lewis! My office." Cragen was stern, yet he was just as happy for Elliot as everyone else.

As they entered Cragen's office, they saw Cragen at his desk and Ericks, Dana's boss, in a chair to the side. Dana got a chair for Elliot, Olivia sat down, then Dana sat, all looking, nervously, around the room.

"Ericks, you find anything?" Cragen asked, not wasting anytime.

"Porter was in charge of the operation. The plan was to have Harris killed. He became a prison informant for some Mexican drug lords. Porter thought it wouldn't tip his "higher ups" if it looked like he messed up and got shot. Stabler, you were supposed to find them right away and shoot him and get Benson before she got hurt. Harris pulled some strings he still had to have his parole notification delayed so he had time to set his plan into motion. That's why it took you so long. Harris' plans were different than Porter's. Porter never thought it though. Since Harris was a CO, he had contacts on the inside. Olivia. Elliot. I know there are no words to make up for what happened but on behalf of the FBI, I am truly sorry."

"What's happening with Porter?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Porter is in a whole heap of trouble. He is on unpaid suspension, indefinatly, until the bureau can decide what actions to take. He has been ordered to stay at least 500 yards from you three and Fin. If he leaves the city, he will be held in contempt. We need to get his full story before we can make a decision. I will keep you informed as his case progresses. Again, I am so sorry, to all three of you. This should have never have happened. If any of you need anything, please let me know. I will do whatever it takes to help you guys out." Ericks stands to leave. He shakes Cragen's hand, then Elliot's, then Dana's. Finally he goes to Olivia, takes her hand and looks her in the eyes, "Olivia, I know it doesn't change what happened but I truly am sorry for everything Harris did to you, because of Porter."

"Thanks." Olivia is still soft in her tone. Ericks walks out and Dana and Elliot get up to leave also. Olivia looks at Cragen and says "Guys, can you give me a minute. I need to talk to Cap."

"Sure, we'll wait for you in the squad room" Elliot says as he pats her shoulder, reassuring her.

The door closes and Cragen speaks before Olivia has the chance. "Olivia, I found a therapist that I think will work for you. Her name is Dr. McMannis. I took the liberty of making your appointments. She has an hour set aside for you and Elliot separately, then an hour together. Here's the address. The first appointment is at 10 am tomorrow. I really think I will be good for you guys. When she feels you both are ready, she will clear you to come back to work. In the meantime, let yourselves heal, both mentally and physically. We need you both back here. You are my best detectives."

"Thanks Cap, for everything." Olivia was good with what Cragen had just told her. She was not sure however, how Elliot would go for it.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

Dana dropped Olivia and Elliot back off at Olivia's apartment. She didn't feel like she needed to stay. Detail was still outside and with the RO on Porter, she felt it best that they had some time alone. Olivia looked at Elliot as they entered her apartment. "I am going to go take a bath. I really just need to try and relax." Olivia said as she walked into her bedroom. She ran the bath water, put some bubbles in it, turned on some soft music and undressed. The water was hot, hotter than she would have normally had it. She wanted to get the feelings of Harris off of her. Olivia slipped in, sinking in up to her chin and closed her eyes.

"Liv. Liv." He whispered, not wanting to startle her. She opened her eyes and smiled at the sight of his handsome face. "May I join you?" he asked, already naked. She nodded and he slipped in behind her. He surrounded her, holding her. She felt safe, secure in his arms. He slides his hands around her, cupping her breasts, manipulating them sensuality. One of his hands then slithers down her belly, over her hip and between her legs. She pushes the back of her head into his shoulder as she arches her back, whimpering softly. She can feel his hardness poking her in the back, sending ripples of stimulation through her. She flips over on top of him electrifying him as she taunts him, teasing him. She rides him tenderly. With every drive of her body, she constricts around him, sucking him into her further, deeper. He holds her breasts while her hands are on his shoulders. Her mouth is slightly open, driving him wild. Her back arches as he lets go inside her. He moves one hand to her sensitive folds, rubbing, increasing his pace as her entire body continues to tighten, her breathing uncontrolled. The faster he moves, the faster she breathes. She went rigid, with a scream of release. They slowed to a still. Olivia, still sitting upright, tried to catch her breath. Elliot looked at her and was astonished by her irrefutable splendor. She suddenly felt self-conscious. She covered her breasts with her hands.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked, surprised but charmed by her shyness. He took her hands in his and pulled them away from her body. He ran his fingers over her breasts. "They're beautiful. You're beautiful. Don't cover yourself, and don't be afraid. I love you."

She smiled, leaned into him and kissed him. Elliot could feel the emotion in her kiss. She got out of the tub, leaving him there. He watched her as she dried herself off. Just the sight of her, naked, the water droplets glistening on her supple skin, sent him into another dimension. She smiles at him and walks into the bedroom. Elliot gets out and dries off, not wanting to be left behind.

Olivia had already crawled into bed. Elliot slid in next to her. "Lay on your tummy, I'll give you a back stroke." Elliot pulls her onto her stomach and straddles her. She moans at the thought.

He starts to manipulate her muscles. With every touch of his hands, she groans in bliss. "El. Oh El. Oh God El." She garbles, getting lost in his strong hands. He skims back, massaging her lower back, then her ass. He loves her ass. He continues to her thighs, slowly massaging and moving inward. He reaches her crease, kneading soothingly. Olivia releases more moans. She feels as though she has melted into the bed, her body heavy. He slides one finger into her entrance, twisting and turning. Her body welcomes him. He enters another finger, while still stroking her throbbing, swollen skin. Her body jerks with enjoyment. He moves his fingers more rapidly as she continues to jerk and whimper. He lifts her hips upward, moving himself between her legs. He propels into her, driving hard, not sure he can control himself. He loves the way she feels around him. She needs to have him inside her. When he is within her, she doesn't want to let him go. She howls, unable to stop herself, the pure gratification of him is almost more than she can handle. Her climax swells through her entire body; she's weak as he fills her with his sap. He crumples on her, exhausted but blissful. He works his way up to her, pulls her body to his, her back to his chest, legs intertwined. He puts his arms around her and holds her tight as he drifts off into a blissful slumber.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

Olivia traces his fingers as she lies on her side while he sleeps. She keeps thinking of what Dana had said to her and what she neglected to tell Elliot; their appointments with the shrink.

"El? El you awake?" She speaks in a soft, low voice.

"Ummm Hummm" Elliot mumbles, clearly not wanting to break his sleep.

"El, can we talk?"

"Absolutely baby. Give me a second." As Elliot tries to wake up, Olivia sits up and turns to face him, cross legged, holding the blanket up to cover herself and give her a sense of security. "What's going on baby?"

" El, Cragen made us appointments to see a shrink tomorrow. Please don't be mad. I asked him to. I really think we should go." Olivia lets a tear fall.

Elliot could hear true fear in her words. He wipes a tear off her cheek and takes her hand. She looks down at their hands as he speaks. "Liv, honey. It's ok. I will do whatever you need me too. I think it will be good for us to go too. Please don't ever be afraid to talk to me." He nudges her chin with his hand, making her look at him. "You can tell me anything. I love you Liv."

She smiles, relived by his words. She looks down again, trying to find the words to talk to him.

"Is there something else? I'm not going anywhere. We can talk all night. You can tell me anything or everything that's on your mind. You're safe with me. There is nothing you could say to me that would make me think less of you. Liv, what is it?" Olivia had started to cry. He hated it when she cried. It breaks his heart that she is in any kind of pain.

"Can, can we talk about what happened?" Olivia asked, terrified; terrified he would say no, terrified of what she was about to tell him, terrified that this WOULD make him think less of her. The things that happened make her sick and she was afraid Elliot would feel the same way. She didn't want him to feel sick every time he looked at her.

"Absolutely Liv. You can tell me as little or as much as you want." Elliot could sense her fears and repeated himself. "Liv, like I said, I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happened, what he did to you, what he made you do to him, I will still love you. I love you more than midnight loves the moon. My feelings for you will not change. It's ok." Elliot was still holding her hand, he was not about to let it go.

"When we got to the apartment, and he cuffed me to the bed, I prayed he would kill me. El, I didn't want to survive what he was about to do. I gave up before it even started. I am a cop El, but I was weak. I didn't fight him. I was scared, more scared than I have ever been in my whole life. How could I be a cop, a good cop, and let myself get into this situation?" Olivia paused, trying to calm her breathing and control her outbursts of tears.

"Baby, none of this is your fault. You are human, don't forget. You see this type of thing everyday but until you are actually in that position, you don't know what you're gonna do. You did survive. Because of the choices you made, you survived. What would you tell any other victim in this situation?" She looked at him, knowing what he was about to say as she says it to all her victims, and she truly believes it. "You survived, that's all that matters."

"El," she looks away from him "he touched me. He took pleasure in taking my clothes off, of controlling me. He put himself inside me, his gun inside me. The first time he put his gun in me, he told me if I didn't do what he said, he would pull the trigger. I was terrified El. Paralyzing fear. I let him rape me. I didn't do anything to stop him. Everyday was the same. Over and over, for hours. I didn't think I could ever be more afraid than I was until the day I woke up and he had put tape over my eyes."

"Liv" Elliot interrupted. But Olivia stopped him.

"Elliot, please do not be angry. I really want to just tell you, tell you how I felt. I want to tell you. I don't want this to come out in therapy. I don't want you to think that that is the only reason I told you. I want to be honest with you."

"Oh baby. I would never be angry. I want you to tell me. To be honest with you, I am afraid of what you are telling me. I hate that fact that I couldn't stop him. I watched him rape you and I did nothing. I am supposed to always have your back and instead, I sat there and watched him violate you, hurt you."

"El, that morning when I woke up and he had taped my eyes, I thought _today is the day he will kill me. _I could hear him talking to you; I didn't know it was you. When he raped me, I was petrified. I calmed slightly when he forced you on top of me. I still didn't know it was you but I knew the man on me smelled like you. I started to cry, thinking of you. I tried to put my mind in another place, with you, hoping I survived, at least long enough to tell you I loved you. When Harris left the room and you whispered my name. I cried harder, knowing it was you. It was because of you I survived."

Elliot and Olivia continued to talk all night. Olivia told him every detail of every minute with Harris. The words Olivia spoke were often times more than Elliot could bear. The images entered his head as she spoke, he detested the fact that Harris had laid a finger on her. The things she was telling him were despicable, revolting. As she spoke, he looked at her with sadness in his eyes, sorry for what she had gone through, what that piece of shit had done to her.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

Olivia and Elliot talked all night. She described ever detail of her captured events. It was so hard for Elliot to hear. He loved Olivia so much and he hated himself for not being able to save her. Olivia felt dirty talking about it. Her biggest fear was losing Elliot and telling him this would most certainly push him away. _Who would want to stay with damaged goods like her? _She thought. Today is going to be a rough one.

Olivia and Elliot rode to the therapist's office in silence; neither of them knowing what to expect out of today. They held hands as they entered the office. Dr. McMannis was waiting for them.

"Good Morning. I'm Kim McMannis. You must be Olivia and Elliot." Dr. McMannis introduced herself. "Please call me Kim. Now this is completely up to you how we go about this. We could do your couple session first then your individual sessions or vice versa. Which ever you feel more comfortable with."

Olivia looked at Elliot then turned to Kim "I'll go first."

"Is that ok with you?" Kim asks Elliot. He nods and Kim motions toward the door for Olivia as Elliot sits down in the waiting room.

The office is very welcoming, beautiful rugs and warm tones. Olivia feels very comfortable, as if in a friend's living room instead of a cold office. As Olivia sits down, she starts to fidget, nervous.

"Olivia, this is good. You being here is good. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I don't want you to talk about anything you are not comfortable with or not ready to talk about. I will help you ease into this. I will ask you some questions and you can answer with as little or as much detail as you would like. Is this ok with you?" Kim's voice is very calming and friendly, making Olivia a little less nervous. Olivia nods her head in compliance and Kim begins.

"Olivia, tell me about you and Elliot. How long have you been partners?"

Olivia's chest tightens a little. Except for Dana, Olivia has not talked about her and Elliot's relationship with anyone.

"Olivia, you understand that nothing said in these sessions will be reported to your superiors at NYPD. You can say anything you want here, it is safe. The only other time things here will be discussed is in your couple session with Elliot, unless you specifically tell not to share something"

Reminding herself of that, Olivia begins…"We became partners 12 years ago. We spend more time together than he did with his family…" Olivia trails off, talking about Elliot and his family, and being his partner.

"What are your true feelings for Elliot?" Kim asks, trying to get and understand ing of their relationship.

"I love him. I basically take my life and hand it to him everyday and tell him to take care of it. Just as he does me." Olivia is having a harder time talking to Kim than she thought. "Can we talk about what happened?" Olivia asked Kim, not wanting to share anymore of her feelings about Elliot. Kim nods and Olivia begins, telling her everything that happened. Kim listened and took notes, never once asking a question. Kim wanted to let Olivia talk. Kim noticed that as Olivia spoke, she spoke of only what happened, and not her feelings of what happened. Soon the time was up and it was now Elliot's turn. Olivia got up, thanked Kim, and went to the waiting room to get Elliot.

Elliot entered the office and sat down. His mind was whirling with questions, wondering what he should and shouldn't say.

"Elliot, just as I told Olivia, nothing you say here will be in your report back to your superiors. Things you talk about will only be discussed between you and I and Olivia. You are completely safe. Now, why don't you tell me what happened, when Olivia was kidnapped?"

Elliot took a deep breath and he began. He told her everything, the details of what went on from the moment she went missing to every emotion he felt during that time. Just as she did with Olivia, Kim sat quietly and took notes. The hour with Elliot flew by and was over before either of them knew it.

"Elliot, before I speak to you both together, can you answer me one thing? What are your feelings for Olivia?"

As Elliot reaches the door, he turns and looks at Kim and responds, without hesitation "I love her, more than anything."

"I will be out to get you both in a few moments." Kim says to both of them and shuts her door. Kim needs to figure out how to approach them together. She can clearly see there is a bond, a love between them that is stronger than anyone or anything could ever break. She can also see that Olivia is not quite ready to tell others about it.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

" Elliot. Olivia. I am ready for you." Kim said as she opened the door to the waiting room. Kim was unsure of what to do. Elliot and Olivia got up and entered the office, silently. They had not spoken to each other since they entered the office over two hours ago.

"Please sit. After talking with both of you, I have come to the realization that I am a little unsure of where to go from here. I feel that both of you are mentally stable to return to work, which I will send my report later today. I do however feel that there is something else. Something either you two have to say to each other, or something one of you is just clearly hiding from me. So what I would like to do is ask you both some questions. I would like you to answer them as honestly and completely as you can. Can you both do that?" Kim believed that they truly needed to admit to themselves and each other what exactly is going on in their minds. Elliot and Olivia both nodded in agreement. "Elliot, I would like you to tell Olivia exactly what you were feeling when she was kidnapped."

"Liv, when I found out you were missing, I felt lost, lonely. I was heartbroken." Elliot was surprised at how incredibly easy it was to talk to Olivia with Kim in the room. "I was filled with rage towards the person who had you."

"Elliot. I want you to tell Olivia everything. Every feeling you had for her during this entire ordeal. I want you to open up and tell her what was going on in your mind while she was missing, and while you both were being held. I want you to be honest with her, tell her everything, even if you are afraid it might hurt her."

"I was terrified of what might be happening to you." Elliot lowers his head, "and I was angry you left. I was angry that you allowed this to happen. You have always told me you could take care of yourself yet now I had to save you. I didn't want to be in that position. I was scared. I was scared of losing you. I was scared of finding you and you not being the person I knew. I had every possible scenario playing out in my head and I was mad at you for making me go through this." Elliot hung his head as Olivia looked at him with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did he blame her for what happened? All this time, was he angry at her? Why didn't he say something to her?

"Olivia, I want you to do the same. Tell Elliot your feelings. Tell him things that were going through your head. Just let yourself speak, and don't censor yourself." Kim knew what she was doing. She knew she needed to get them to tell each other everything. By doing this, she knew that their relationship would be stronger, that they would understand where the other person was coming from. It would be this that would help them to move forward, together.

"I wondered how long it would take you to find me. After the first few days, I gave up. I didn't think you would find me. I knew you were looking for me yet I lost faith in you. It hurt that you weren't trying harder. I was scared I would never see you again and that I would never be able to tell you I love you. When Harris forced you to have sex with me, I hated the fact that it wasn't you. I know now it was you but at that moment, I didn't. I was angry you were leaving me to figure this out for myself." Olivia couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. They were true but only in those moments, not now.

"Olivia, please tell us what you felt that moment you heard Elliot's voice."

"I was more excited than words can express. I started to cry. I knew I was safe. I felt like my prince had come. I wanted to hug him, to hold him, and never let go. I wanted to stay as close to him as possible." Olivia's tone started to lighten, thinking of that moment.

"Were you angry at him or hurt by him?" Kim needed them to understand that in their moments of despair, they blamed each other, but only as a survival mechanism.

"No. I was not angry at him at all. I was so happy to hear his voice and know he was there that it didn't matter what had happened. All that mattered is that he was with me."

Now it was Elliot's turn. "Elliot, when you walked into that room and saw Olivia, what were your reactions, your feelings?"

"To see her, alive, was the greatest feeling in the world. Then my entire body filled with hate towards Harris. I wanted to kill him. Her body was covered in blood and it was my fault. If I would have gotten there sooner, I could have stopped him. I was confused. I was totally in love with the sight of her and filled with hatred towards him I didn't know what to do. DO I kill him or go to her?"

"Were you angry at her?"

"Absolutely not! We work with victim's everyday and she did exactly what we tell them. She survived. That's all that matters. She did everything right. She did what she needed to do. There was no anger, just relief, happiness, and love." He looked up for the first time since this session started. He took her hand and smiled at her. She looked into his eyes and saw those beautiful, reassuring blue eyes she loved so much.

"Are either of you angry or hurt at each other now?" They both shook their heads no, never breaking their gaze. "I really think this was a successful session. I truly believe you both love each other and need each other as partners, in work and in life. I am going to send over my report, releasing you both. As soon as you feel ready to return, you can. You will need to talk with Captain Cragen but in my opinion, you are mentally stable to return to work. I think you have an unbreakable bond and are 'soulmates' in every sense of the word."

All three stood up and shook hands, thanking each other. They said their good-byes and Kim told them to return anytime they felt they needed too, for any reason.

Elliot and Olivia walked out of the office and to their car hand in hand, very happy with what the morning had brought them.


End file.
